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Birthdays are sometimes considered as unique events to be commemorated among friends, relatives, and loved ones. These are times to treasure, value, and recall. This narrative centres on someone struggling with these feelings on their birthday as they face the hard truth of feeling inadequate and forgotten.
On her birthday Samantha woke up feeling both excited and terrified. This year should be different, she hoped, with the warmth of well-wishes and the solace knowing she was loved would bring. But her phone stayed quiet as the morning sun came through her window. Not messages, not calls, not alerts. Her inbox’s emptiness matched her own emptiness inside.
Samantha had always battled inadequate emotions. She felt frequently inadequate, as though she was lacking some vital component that would qualify her for affection and attention. Her birthday heightened these emotions only. She perused social media, seeing others honour their unique events with a flood of love and affection. Every like, remark, birthday wish seemed to accentuate her own supposed flaws.
Samantha typed into her social media account, hesitant before hitting ‘publish,’ knowing I won’t get likes since I’m not entire. By expressing her emotions, she wasn’t sure what she aimed for. Perhaps it was a scream for aid, or maybe she simply wanted to be seen—even if only momentarily.
Samantha sought diversion as the hours passed. She played with her dog, Max, made her preferred meal, and showered long. But her friends’ and family’s silence was intolerable. She couldn’t get away from the sensation of invisibility—that her life didn’t count to anyone close by.
Samantha has always been the one remembering birthdays of others in the past. She would go over and beyond to make her friends feel unique, planning surprise parties, writing sincere notes, and selecting meaningful presents. She thought that by loving others, she would someday get the same in return. But today, sitting alone herself in her flat, it seemed as though all her work had been completely useless.
Samantha chose to go for a walk since she felt more and more isolated. Although the fresh air and change of surroundings allowed her to relax, the loneliness still followed her like a shadow. She walked by a park where families were laughing and playing together—a far cry from her alone situation. She questioned what it would be like to feel really connected, to have friends who actually loved her.
Samantha’s memories of her early years wandered as she walked. She recalled the birthdays she shared with her parents, the modest but happy gatherings. Even in trying circumstances, her parents had always made her feel unique. But they had both died some years before, leaving a vacuum nobody else seemed able to cover.
Samantha checked her phone once more when getting home. Not yet any calls or texts. She tried to ignore a twinge of despair and gloom. She was aware she cannot rely on others to confirm her value. Even if it felt impossible just then, she had to figure out how to feel entire on her own.
Samantha got a cue as the day came to an end. It was a remark on her post made by an old acquaintance she hadn’t seen in years. Sam, happy birthday! I apologise for not getting in touch. I hope you’re doing okay and that today brings delight. Though it was little, it meant the world to her. It reminded her that even if they lived far apart, she wasn’t totally forgotten and that others still cared.
Samantha came to see that although she could feel inadequate, she wasn’t by herself in her difficulties. Many people battled their own doubts and loneliness, feeling the same way. She made the decision to concentrate on the little moments of connection, the tiny flashes of hope reminding her she was deserving of love and attention.
Though it wasn’t the celebration she had been looking forward, her birthday gave her a valuable lesson. She discovered that likes or birthday greetings cannot determine one’s value. It came from inside, from embracing her as she was, imperfect yet all. She also made a wish as she blew out the candle on a cupcake she had bought for herself: to discover peace and wholeness inside, independent of what other people thought.