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Today should have been a happy, festive, and friendly day, yet as the hours pass without notice a great sadness creeps in. Birthdays should be unique, filled with hugs, smiles, and good wishes from loved ones. Still, the silence around me gets louder as the clock runs on, accentuating the disappointment that has seized hold.
Days of preparation began, a bubbling joy at the idea of surrounded by those most dear. I imagined the happy faces, the laughing filling the room, and the cohesiveness of friends and relatives gathering near. But today reality presents a much different picture.
Rising this morning, I felt a flutter of hope in my heart ready to welcome the day. Calls from loved ones and messages would definitely flood in, each one a little lighthouse illuminating my particular day. But the phone stays silently, empty of the customary chirp signalling a fresh message as morning passed to midday and now into evening.
Reading through social media just makes the inside more painful. Images of people marking their own achievements surrounded by laughter and happiness provide a sharp contrast to the seclusion I currently live with. Every alert that surfaces serves as a harsh reminder of the void, each post a mild twist of the knife in a wound I did not expect experiencing today.
It’s about the basic awareness that today is my day, not about extravagant gifts or huge actions. Enough to get me going would have been a brief text, a loving call, or even simply a smile across the room. But the weight of missed expectations gets heavier as the hours pass.
The mind travels to past birthdays, when balloons floated around and laughter bounced off the walls. Those memories offer a mixed-feeling comfort, a remembrance of better days when birthdays seemed like magic. But today the magic seems to have departed, leaving behind a deep aching unquenchable with any kind of diversion.
Under the daily grind, it’s easy to feel invisible even in these kinds of events, forgotten. Though only another day on the calendar, birthdays have great meaning for everyone of us. They remind us of the passing of time, mark turning points, and provide us an opportunity to stop and consider the road both behind and ahead.
Still, there is a flash of insight amid this gloom. Maybe individuals who have not contacted others are just wrapped up in their own life and not conscious of the weight their absence causes. Perhaps their daily busyness has distorted their ideas, therefore my birthday goes completely forgotten.
Though that’s a terrible truth, it provides some comfort. The melancholy I experience results from circumstance and control rather than from resentment or apathy. And in that awareness comes the seed of forgiveness, a subtle reminder that even as we work to offer happiness we are all imperfect and prone to unintentionally hurting someone.
I therefore hang onto hope when the day comes to an end and the last traces of sunlight disappear from the sky. Tomorrow should bring understanding, that hearts will heal, and that voices ready to participate in belated joy will disrupt the silence. Birthdays are, after all, about the love and connection that last long after the candles have been blown out, not only about the day itself.
And so, to everyone who comes upon these lines, know this: today is my birthday, and although it may not have gone as planned, I am appreciative of the chance it presents. Thank you for the opportunity to consider, develop, and value the quiet times that impart compassion and resiliency.
So I carry forward with an open heart ready for possibilities as the clock strikes midnight and a new day opens. Birthdays define the amount of love that envelops us every day, not the count of greetings we get. And in that love, there is always cause to celebrate regardless of the hour or situation.